I don't even know where to start writing this blog post, however I will start by mentioning a Facebook page I have recently come a member of; The Secret Sisters Society - a group intended for girls and women to support each other through social media. Through this group I had become aware that I was not the only one who was struggling with things such as anxiety and confidence issues
- I was not alone.
Anxiety is something that is different for everyone: it can be as small as missing sleep, overthinking and feeling negative about something you have to do the next day or it can be as big as missing out on opportunities because you simply can't bring yourself to go.
In my case, I was avoiding all activities that involved being in large crowds of people, speaking to people and I had skipped a lot of university lectures and exams which lead me to fail some of my subjects. I had gotten myself into this horrible loop where I wouldn't study because I would realise how behind I was which caused me to panic and feel anxious, which lead to skipping exams to avoid the nervousness and panic that would follow. In contribution to this, I had next to no self confidence which meant that I had become constantly aware of myself in a negative way. I would not speak for fear of being perceived as stupid, I wouldn't socialise with new people and I just became really conservative and would try really hard to blend in.
It started to ruin my life - I was on the pathway to self destruction and I desperately needed help to get out of the rut that was anxiety. Now, I'm not claiming a miracle cure here and I'm also not saying that I'm free from all anxiety and confidence issues - I have simply developed some ideas and tips to help in dealing with anxiety and perhaps lessen its severity.
I thought I would start with this as the number one focus point. Bad relationships or friendships have the potential to bring you down and be really harmful to you. These people may be doing things such as speaking down to you, comparing you to other people or simply taking small stabs at your insecurities or picking at things that they don't like about you - these things can erode you! Don't pass these things off as normal, it's not healthy and can contribute to a huge loss of confidence. Perhaps weigh up the happiness and unhappiness within your relationship with someone and use that to determine whether this person is worth being in your life. If the person who is bringing you down happens to be a family member, perhaps sit them down and say hey, I didn't like what you said to me etc. Make sure that they become aware of their negativity towards you. People can be incredibly toxic to you without you being conscious of it and it resonates with you - its really important that you can recognise it and remove the cause of negativity. I can't stress enough how important it is that you surround yourself with supportive people who make you feel important and special, and who enhance your life with their presence. If their presence is making you feel worse instead of better, re-evaluate why you're letting them stay.
Remember to breathe. Often when we're in stressful or anxious situations our body behaves differently - our breaths become shallow and forced. Adrenalin often kicks in and causes this response and so to calm yourself down, you need to concentrate and distract your mind. When I'm feeling anxious or I feel a panic attack looming, I try to take time out and remove myself from the source of panic - whether that be a crowd of people or public transport. Maybe pop on some headphones and try to zone out - practice breathing deeply. If you're in a situation where you're not able to leave, such as an exam, close your eyes and try to identify different sounds within the room, i.e. the clock ticking. Then move on to what you can feel touching your skin, i.e. your shoes, your shirt, the chair. By the end of this exercise you should feel grounded and be somewhat calm within your surroundings. It's important to develop an exercise that works for you and allows you to calm yourself if need be.
Focus on having a can do attitude. A fitting quote for this would be - "do one thing everyday that scares you". When you suffer from anxiety, you tend to miss out on opportunities and find yourself saying "no" to things more than you tend to say "yes". This leads to living life within a bubble, we'll call it a comfort bubble. Now, ask yourself this next time you are offered an opportunity and you feel the urge to say no: what is the worst that could happen if you were to say yes? So you take the opportunity and you either end up liking it or hating it, that's the worst that could happen. Sometimes stepping out of your comfort bubble can lead to exciting and enjoyable experiences. You may make some new friends or find a new hobby! Just don't overthink every situation you are presented with (I know we are all somewhat guilty of this). If you're feeling anxious about something, do your best to push it out of your mind and just tackle it as it comes. If you're struggling to sit an exam, just get in there and think to yourself "I can do this, I can remember all the information". Have faith in yourself and remember to breathe. If nothing works, just adopt the f**k it attitude - this one always works for me!
Sometimes anxiety is not something that you are able to combat yourself. If you feel as though you are stuck in a rut, remember that you are certainly not alone and there is help and support available. Perhaps hop onto a Facebook group such as The Secret Sisters Society and voice how you are feeling (it can be anonymous) - sometimes it helps just to tell someone and seek support. Letting your family and close friends know is also a good idea - they are often the biggest support group we will have in our life. Anxiety is a horrible thing to have to go through alone and you certainly don't have too.
Rhian
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